Life of a 20somthing aka "The Wonder Years"

Beginning

2012-01-17T04:33:00.000-05:00

i could write.. i could write tomes
I could describe with flagrant phrases
I could define it with the finesse of a scholar
I could exalt it like the best reporter
I could espouse like the most devout of monks
I could outline it like the best professors
I could proclaim it like the hearld of the square

But all I can do is smile... and the words are all there

release

2011-12-17T04:02:00.001-05:00

You cut me
But this blood is not for you
You are not the reason this life force spills from my veins
There is no relation to your actions
This is coincidence and Juxtaposition
You are just witness to the release

I am crying
These tears are not for you
This hot sting leaving stains on my cheeks is a cleansing
Not a trial of sadness painting pain
This is openness and vulnerability
You are just witnessing release

They hurt me
My pain is all my own
A perfect machine built for battle learns to realign
These are growing spurts
This is life and reality
You are just a witness to my release

November...

2011-11-03T23:06:00.001-04:00

What's my Name

2011-11-03T23:04:00.002-04:00

2011-10-20T13:03:00.000-04:00

Yum
Smile
Sweety
Interesting
Thoughtful
Sweet
Unique
Quirky
Beautiful
Ravising
Delightful
Sexy
Smart
Amusing
Nyquil
Glasses
Puzzle
Exuberant

I asked my G+ circles to list a word that described me to them. The list was interesting and warming. I decided to write a poem using the words. Here it is.

Thoughtful, that is how she lives her life.
So amusing are the small wonders that fill her day
People, places, and things make her smile.

Delightful, the thoughts that fill her mind,
Most of the time... though her rose colored glasses might hid small pains
The puzzle of her purpose causes her much concern.

Beautiful, the moments she shares with you.
This quirkylady makes a point to make you feel good
Interesting those who fight her goal.

Exuberant, her spirit will fill you.
Her sexy persona yearns to fill you with pleasure
Her sweetness can calm you like Nyquil
Her sexy is a drug
By design, Sweety, she loves because she was made to.

Ravishing, how she see the world around her
The beauty and wonder of all that there is and all that can be, yum!
A unique outlook on life leaves her soul heavy
Her longing for the sweet thrill of justice and peace can be tiring
And might not be smart , but it is what keeps her happy.

end scene

2011-09-21T18:59:00.000-04:00

Watching you from across the room
I knew instantly I had made a mistake
The feelings the swelled inside me,
especially in areas I am to shy to admit
were overwehlming
The look in your eyes told me everything I had always tried to deny
It was too late to turn back
Too hard to resist
The curtains had been open.

The show began, we played our parts well
reading the lines we believed we were supposed to
be played pretend, we acted accordingly
And we thought, for a moment that we had fooled the world
We could play by the rules
The table reading lacked the intensity
But anyone could see there was something lurking
An essence that had yet to be released

Then you decided to ad lib
Your lips speaking what came from your heart
And the plot changed
Sepia turned to color
Dimmers turned to bright lights
And the plot became clear
This was a love story in three parts

ACT ONE
The affair was short but satisfying
Fulfilling needs and wants
Opened eyes
Opened hearts
Opened minds
It was something needed and longed for
It grew out of necessity and pressure
And no two actors were better suited for the parts
I gave all I had ever learned
And you played off me like a master
You taught me so much through your craft
The audience could see the art we created
It was intense and real
But was it just an affair?

September 15

2011-09-18T23:27:00.000-04:00

What is the D for?

2011-09-18T00:43:00.001-04:00

You signed it
And the only thing I was left to wonder was
What the D stands for
I could ask you but recently
I am weary of the answer my questions
Hearts that hope are often disappointed
They still hope though.
I digress, what is the D for?
Determined?
I'm sure that's possibly
What that D stands for
Focused and unyielding
Eyes pinpointed on what you want
Ready for the attack
You know what you want and you go for it
Your prey never stands a chance
at first glace you win
I digress, what is the D for?
Direct?
To the point
Is that why I should know
What that D stands for?
No word, thought or action wasted
Enough words, spoken and written
To state your point
And though some may question
Posturing for more is worthless
no matter how interested the heart is
I digress, what is the D for?
Divine?
Heaven sent
The Joy of a Mother's eye
The cure for the pain
Love's rain?
Spiritually gifted tho
I dont know if you believe
I digress what is the D for?
Today it stands for
Dreams differed
Destinies unknown
Deliverance
And Done

My reintroduction to DMX

2011-09-18T00:06:00.000-04:00

So I was having a discussion on Twitter (as I often do) and got into the merits of DMX. I had never really been a fan of his. As I tweeted his barking and over use of his name made me uncomfortable. He seemed to be discussing subjects that were beyond my relation and well I just wasn't that interested.

But as I increase my circle of creative friends, my eyes are often open to new things, and to re-examining things that I had over looked in the past. I asked what was DMX's best album and got a variety of responcces, but the one most mentioned was

It's Dark And Hell Is Hot

These are my thoughts as I listened thru the 19 tracks:

Intro:

"That's my man's and em..."

I was not impressed by the intro, it reminded me of basic rappers songs that get tweeted on my timeline daily, nothing spectacular just dude telling you he's rough and tough and will bark your house down and he does and he does it all to support his man and em. Ok... well I hope it gets better...

Ruff Riders Anthem :

"Give a dog a bone (what)

leave a dog alone (what)
let a dog roam and he'll find his way home (what)"

I alway did like the song "Ruff Ryders Anthem" made me wish I had a crew. I like the beat, its head bopable. And I like his flow, simple but it gets the point across. More violence and warnings... am i supposed to like him or be scared he might kill me?

Fuckin' Wit' D: "I DON'T A FUCK ABOUT CH'YALL NIGGAZ CAUSE Y'ALL AIN'T KILLIN' NUTTIN'" .... oh. I am beginning to think DMX might have some unresolved issues, and then right there in the song he tells us he has issues "Listed as a manic depressin' with extreme paranoia" ahhh... that might explain the violencia. I'm beginning to wonder abou this man...why is he so angry? Where are all these "dogs" and why does he feel like he always has to defend something? Interlude "The Storm Like all rappers, D's got haters... Look Thru My Eyes "Look in my eyes, see what I see Do what I do, be what I be Walk with my shoes that hurt your feet And know why I lurk the streets " Delving deeper into the questions already posed in my head from the first couple tracks. This man isout to prove something... im still trying to fiure out what tho. He's hurting over something too. i wanna know where it stems from. Just a hard life? "Feel the pain, feel the joy, of a man who was never a boy. For real. " Get at me Dog
I liked the beat on this song. D still sounds mad, I still don't know why. I am nut really relating to the album, but I can understand why people feel him. If you always feel like you got to fight for what you want in life and people
underestimate you... yea... I guess I can related
I do not like the use of the word fag... but thats my prejudice to the word.

"The days are longer and seems like I'm wastin time
I've got a lot of dreams but I'm not really chasing mine" ...but why not Mr. X? Why not?

Let Me Fly
Is this man singing? Ya'll get on Drake for singing but I think every rapper has sung a few bars. Anyway I feel like this is the most emotional that D has been so far. Well that wasnt anger. I like it.

"There's a difference between, doin' wrong and being wrong and that ain't right"
...true

X-is Coming
"One two X is coming for you Three four better lock your door Five six get yo' crusifix Seven eight don't stay up late"

Kid voices in eerie music always gives me chills...
This song disturbed me... who is he talking to?!
He's raping children, wives, and brutally killing... what does one have to do to get this wrath from D? Who hurt you D? WHO HURT YOU?

Damien
"The Snake, the rat, the cat, the Dog, how you gonna see them when you living in the fog"

How It Goin Down
The intro to this song was hilarious. I kinda like when D does "love" songs. Why is it always shady tho? Id DMX married?

Crime Story
The calmness with which he raps about blowing up a police station makes me think this man does not like the police...

Stop Being Greedy
I wanna know who he is talking to? Other rappers? I think he knows his potential and he is reaching his dreams, but how do you bring that old mentality to a new hustle?

ATF
Yikes, that played like a movie scene. He def knows how to paint pictures with words

For My Dogs
How nice of him to let his friends rap on his album about how awesome her is...

I Can Feel It
I love the song this was sampled from.
I get the feeling you should never turn your back on this man. He remembers everything I wonder how much of his music is from real things that have happened...

The Convo
I have convos like this with God all the time... i feel this song. I feel his emotion. These are questions many people have. I love the pictures he paints. I give him points for that

Niggaz Done Started Something
MASE! I used to love his flow. I enjoyed the flow of this song.

One line tho kinda summed up the album for me...

Yeah I hear niggaz, but I still don't feel em.

But I can see the talent and enjoyed the listen.

New

2011-09-17T23:15:00.001-04:00

HEY!

LOOKIE HERE!

WE GOT A NEW LOOK!

Big shout out to Chris Roberts for the new design.

Perhaps this will get me to get back on my blog game... I will admit I took Aug off. But I'm back...

How did you spend your summer?

Lessons

2011-09-16T17:54:00.003-04:00

Some people crave attention like a drug. It's a terrible addiction. It hurts them. It scars them. It is an obvious addiction that many exploit and use against them. Don't feed the addict, teach them how to wean themselves off the drug. Everyone cant love you. Everyone is not your friend. This should not stop you from being authentically you however. Treat others well, and how they would like to be treated to your own ability. Everything else is left to fate and chance and the Plan.

I say these words because I need to hear them.

Take ownership

2011-08-23T10:10:00.001-04:00

Things happen int he world. In your personal, your work life, all around. Some of these things we have no control over: The weather, the actions of others, sickness, disease, market fluctuations. Some of them we do: Occupation, who we share our life with, how we react to the things that happen in our life. Life isn't fair, things happen , some good and some bad. We cant blame everything bad on others and take credit for everything good. No matter what your belief system is, you didn't get to where you are all alone. Some where along the way you interacted with someone, something. But For those things that are all you... take ownership. Be responsible. Someone is watching you. Someone is looking for direction, a hint of whats possible. Be that light. And when you stumble, get up, dust off and keep going. But remember the fall, know where you dont wanna be, and keep headed to where you are going.

Fin

July 31st

2011-07-31T14:12:00.000-04:00

This is why I'm single - Story 1

2011-07-30T17:52:00.001-04:00

I'm going to start posting my misadventures in love. if there is enough interest I will make a separate blog... for now... here's a day in my life

So im walking down the street and im standing at the corner waiting for the light to change.

I had noticed a Dunkin Donuts and was thinking to myself, on my walk back this way I will stop and get a coolata ( i like to mix the vanilla with the strawberry).

So i'm standing there and i hear this guy on the phone:

Guy: Hey man let me call you right back, this lady in a red dress just walked by and I cant focus on what you saying

I giggle

Guy: Naw for real man ima hit you right back, Ima talk to her for a min

I turn to see who this dude is

Guy: And she got cute feet too man, naw, ima call you back after i holla at her, aight? aight. peace

Excuse me miss...

So im smiling cause i think its hilarious, he asks me some questions (the light changes twice btw)

Him: Please tell me you arent married

Me: im not

Him: Are you involved

Me: Slight pause... No ... but im not from here

Him: where you from?

Me: Boston

Him: Now thats funny, the person i just got off the phone with is in Boston

Me: (in my head) uh oh (out loud) cool

Him: So how long you here?

Me: Til Sunday

Him: oh so we gonna have to work quick, get engaged and married and intro you to the folks

Me: LOL

Him: Just playing but can i get your number

He was pleasant and not hard on the eyes. I thought it was a funny exchange and since Ill be coming to ny for work for the next few months why the hell not. Anyway i doubt he will call me so im not too worried

It felt like he was gonna ask me if we could hang out that day, but i had plans with friends already so i made my excuses and began to walk away.

Him: im the jealous type so if you meeting up with a dude i might have to mess homie up

me: nervous giggle *walks faster*

Looked back to see if he was watching me walk... he was.

I didnt go back that way on my return to the hotel

I wanted that damn coolata tho...

The dress that caused the issue:

I for got to mention: He called my number while I was standing there to prove it was real... 0.o

Didnt even try to play it off like he wanted to give me his or anything, just straight up said " I hope you gave me a real number"

Yup.

This is why I'm single

Aftermath

2011-07-24T00:34:00.001-04:00

My body is lifeless
You took all I had to give
Every movement now is an effort
And I only have you to thank

I let this happen
Let your essence cover me
Allowed you to penetrate
The special place
That you fit into so well

You were constant
Relentlessness and demanding
And I gave it to you
With out concern of caution

I let you take over me
Again and again
And again
And then begged for more

I told you that you
Could have it
Take it,
Claim it,
Told you it was yours

And like a caged animal
That has been set free to feed
You devoured me
And let nothing but this feeling

I can't move
I can still feel you in me
From head to toe
You have left your mark

This is what happens when
Inhibition are released
Fantasies are realized
This is the aftermath...

Blossom

2011-07-19T11:08:00.000-04:00

Blossom

You saw the flower before it bloomed
Cradled and nursed the bud
Saw its color bright and clear
Potential for what was there

You watered it and showed it to the sun
And it opened its petals to everyone
Slowly and surely it began to grow
For you and the world to share in its beauty

You coaxed it to open
Told it it would be all you imagined and more
Encouraged it opened it petals
And though it was frightened it let the world in

You reminded it that the world can be cruel
But promised to always be there
Trusting Blossom let the sun in
The bright and the warmth, the fire and burn

Then the water you once lovingly gave
ceased to a dribble
And dark clouds replaced the sun
You were gone

Where is the Gardner?
Why has he left Blossom to die
Where is the water, the attention and care
Gone forever?

Now she waits for brief showers
And lights that shine from afar
She hopes a caretaker will return
Prays that she hasn't been debarred

Memory

2011-07-19T10:28:00.000-04:00

I dream of you
The sunshine,
and the pleasure.

And each night
the dream is fresh
like the first time.

The last time.

Forever.

Does anyone court anymore?

2011-07-14T09:55:00.000-04:00

The older I get, and the closer to that sweet spot of child bearing, the more I wonder about how relationships, marriage, and courtship have changed over time. 50 years ago I would be married with 5 kids by now (that was actually my goal when I was very young). However now at 27, soon to 28, that prospect seems more difficult (and more costly, 5 kids to raise and put through college?!). My question is when did it change? When did the focus shift and how come the social consciousness of marriage and when one should be settled haven't changed with it?

I mean to say I hear many men and women talk about how they want to build their career, find themselves, achieve their goals before they settle into marriage. Yet this has not stopped them from engaging in married people acts (shaking up, having kids, buys assets together). This cart before horse (my opinion) way of thinking I feel has changed the importance of the union of marriage. Why buy the cow if the milk, and calves, and barn are free with a nominal fee (Sex is never free... and you dont always pay with money)

Is this change due to an evolved view of sex? Do we have the birth control pill and Viagra to blame? Have we lost some of our social conscious? And if so why do women (mostly women) get so much flack for being 30 and single?

What do you think?

July 4th

2011-07-04T20:41:00.001-04:00

Perception

2011-07-04T09:53:00.001-04:00

Perception is colored by expienece so I can understand why yours is always clouded.
When you search for the negative you will always find it.
If you look for flaws they will appear
And if you close yourself from love the only alternative is loneliness
Trust me I know.

People only see what they wanna see. If you search for a way out you will slowly convince yourself you have to leave... or vice versa.

There is what is, and what you chose to see...

June 15

2011-06-30T20:39:00.000-04:00

May 3.31

2011-05-31T02:24:00.000-04:00

2011-05-09T00:25:00.001-04:00

I mean what I say...

2011-04-06T09:47:00.002-04:00

So if I said
I cared
loved
liked
enjoyed
hoped
wished
respected
admired etc...
I did
Just because you can't comprehend true feelings express without rules and justifications doesnt mean they don exisit. I wanted nothing more than the best for all those I let in my life. And contrary to what some believe I dont let everybody in. We were closer that you allowed yourself to believe
you pushed me away. There is not a moment I dont think about you when I think about that part of my life. You took something from me, and that my dear will keep you and me connected forever. Its deeper and more real than you will admit, but if you want some one to blame I will sit in the fault chair. You are not being fair, but its your world, you will get your way.

And the thing about it is... you still wont be happy
But I pray that you find your peace.... and all those in your life find thier balance.

--- to you with all my heart

2011-04-06T02:12:00.001-04:00

Feel it

2011-04-06T02:11:00.000-04:00

Just one word and I'm right back in Paris
Memories die hard
Just as hard as I remember it being
Funny how the flesh can hold on to memories
The softness of lips
The tenderness of fingers
The warmth of a body that finally makes a needed connection
Are all like little memories all over me
You left a trace
Anyone who comes after will notice the change
Those pieces of you that are left here
A story written like braille on my skin
Tiny moments of pleasure forever etched
In my mind body and soul
Just the thought of you starts the tingle
The sensation that covers me
Reminds me of what I could not resist
What I can still remember
And what I will always crave
Thats why even now
I can feel it

Why you mad?

2011-04-06T00:40:00.000-04:00

Seriously why you mad?
Why do you spend so much of your energy and time
Trying to decipherer me and mine?
Why do thoughts of me and my life
Bother your existence so?
Why you mad?

Is it because I embody everything you aren't?
Because I live the life you will never have?
Does it bother you that I take advantage of my freedom?
That I have so much more to offer this world?
Why you mad?

I wish there were a way for me to help you
See past the jelly and get straight to your issues
Cut through the pain and tissues
And help you be the best you you can be
Cause you could never be like the one you envy
So why you mad?

I know what it is.
I can tell by the words you use to attack
By your reaction to everything you think affects you
You are mad over something you have no control over
Upset that you and all you know
Will never be all that you wish it could be
You know why you mad?
Because you can't be me

Kitty

2011-03-25T07:41:00.002-04:00

Stop feeding the cat!
She has an addictive personality,
I think I have mentioned it before.
The curiosity for the new fosters an air of independence.
She can't control the stimulation.
Her system reacts and attracts
Things that no other pussy can handle.
She stands alert, open, waitng, wanting...
Want turns to need and like most disgruntled cats
She can be vicious when she is mad.

Dont patronize the kitten!
Stop telling her she 'can't'.
The more you resist,
The stronger she will insist.
She wants exactly what you forbid her to have.
That independent spirt will always seek to revolt.
Don't provoke her.
Lay it out, make it available and watch her walk away.
The more you hold back, the deeper she digs.
Until of course she can tell if its worth it.

Pay close attention to Kitty
She's got tricks in her crawls.
That sweetness and gentle caress,
Can turn quickly to a hiss and scratch.
Remark the cat who hesitates towards you.
She's watching every move and listens to every sound.
Don't lie to her.
Tell her the truth no matter how harsh
Her respect will earn you her love.
And when Kitty Loves...

I lied

2011-03-24T09:08:00.000-04:00

I lied.
I said that I had shed all the tears
I claimed that the pain was nonexistent
I told you that I was ok
I lied.

The sadness grows like a cancer,
spreading over the heart,
a poison of the brain
Filling me like water.

If only I could stop the flow
Turn off the river
Close the damn
shut off the faucet

I'm drowning in sadness
seeking a way to be safe
And my place of refuge
has been taken away

I lied
I said I could let it go
I claimed I would move on changed and complete
I told everyone it wouldnt break me
I lied.

March...

2011-03-15T11:38:00.000-04:00

I want

2011-03-06T23:36:00.000-05:00

I want it

I do not feel any guilt

It is a need to be filled

And a there is nothing else

I want it

I would pay any price

Take on all enemies

And have not one regret

I want

I can't control the feeling

So why dont you

Just give me what

I want.

Last Night

2011-02-28T11:15:00.000-05:00

I dreamt of you last night.

The curve of your lip when it's pressed against my nipple is hard to forget

The gentle tug on my labia as you pull out is unique to only you

It’s like I don't want to let you go

I want to keep you in my “inside part” forever

You fit so well

The touch of your hands on my hips opens the door

Your lips on my neck are the ignition

And when your leg spreads mines I know we are ready for the ride.

Go deeper baby

Feel me

Take what’s yours to claim and hold forever

Because in this moment (as in most) it belongs to you

How can I not remember a presence like yours?

That so eveloped my being I didn’t know where I ended and you began

Where time started or stopped

All I knew was we were together

So I dream of you

To remember

The last night

2011-02-18T20:42:00.000-05:00

Do you believe?

2011-02-15T22:08:00.000-05:00

Since I can remember I have been a Christian. I was raised in the church and knew the Christian values by seeing them demonstrated in my home. I will never claim to be a perfect Christian, and the Lord knows I do things that aren't a perfect reflection of Him. But I try to be everything I was raised to be. Now that is not to say that I dont think for myself. I took time when I came of age to really research my spirituality. When I was in college, coming into my own about who I was and what I believed, I looked at all my choices and really tried to make the decision on my own.

The arguement that religon is just a bandaid we have created to deal with the stress of life bothers me, but what bothers me more is when peple say that you can't believe in God and be an intellectual. But I stopped trying to argue that point. I know who I am and what I beleive and thats really all that matters.

My focus now is to try to be a reflection of all that has been instilled in me. And though I fall short sometimes and willingly sin at time at the end of the day the only one i'm trying to please is myself and my Lord. All else will pass away when this life is over. I just wanna leave a legacy and a positive one at that.

What do you believe?

Tears

2011-01-30T23:04:00.000-05:00

The salty wetness glides down my face
one tear for each of these words
They all take the same path
forming a well in the eyes,
unable to see clearly your face fills my minds eye
more tears form and the first drops fall
The drops feel warm, no hot
And full of all my emotion
Hugging the curve of my cheek
As they continue their journey
the curve that used to lift at the thought of a friend
gliding down to my lips
So salty its almost startling,
like the sting of the pain blow you dealt
They well again just at the edge
Of a mouth that used to sing your praises
and humor your humility
What I thought was humility
Really just veiled honesty
You said it plainly, and I only heard the lie
The tear continues to my chin, hangs, and then leaps
The journey is done, the tears are done
It's over

Diary

2011-01-30T22:44:00.000-05:00

I lost my diary!
All my secrets and dreams
All my hopes and fears
Lost.

Things I had never shared

All my deep considerations

All the pain I usually hide

Forgotten.

Every secret wish, filled with promise and intrigue
All my thoughts and ideas for the future
all my reflections on the past
Gone.

My source of comfort and understanding
All the motivation and understanding
All the nonjudgmental care
Vanished.

The place I kept my hope and promise
All the possibility or reaching known potential
All the encouragement and stimulating kicks
Obsolete.

You took it with you when you left.

Next time I'll use pen and paper.

Again

2011-01-30T22:35:00.001-05:00

Here we are again
In the same spot we always find ourselves in
Every time

The tears have been shed
The anger suppressed
The shame, regret, and sadness--
All here as they always are
"Welcome back", they say.

"You haven't learned, but will you ever?"
"You can't make everyone your forever"
"You gave and it was all for naught"
"Do you even know what you did wrong?"
"You failed the lesson, you have yet to grow."

I've been here so many times
There is my name, in my usual spot

"Here she is, the one who loves without a parachute

The one who gives to those who don't deserve

The one who doesn't get back what she puts in

The hopeful lover..."

Somewhere between love and pain
Between hope and despair
On the silver lining on a heavy rain cloud...
Wishing, hoping, knowing there is something more
...or at least that there should be

Here we are again
In the same spot we found ourselves in last time
except this time.... without you.

The Chronicles of Melony : 1.30 Balance

2011-01-30T14:09:00.000-05:00

The Chronicles of Melony : 1.15 The Beginning

2011-01-15T14:07:00.000-05:00

Heavy

2011-01-12T23:48:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I'm just too much...

The weight of my body is more than you can bear

Though the pieces individually might bring you joy

All together it can be too much to hold

You might not be that bold

That's when you give in to the weight

And you say it's too heavy

Sometimes I'm just too much.

The heftiness of my questions overpowers your brain

And the confusion and wonder of the purpose is all that remains

Or you might not want to deal

Or try to justify my feelings no matter how real

You call me silly and illogical

That's when you dismiss my plea

And you say it's too heavy

Sometimes I'm just too much!

The magnitude of my love is too much to take in

It covers you in more ways than you were prepared for

And there is no way I could give you less

Even if I had to promise you I would never stress

Over the fact that you could never match its essence

You would still wish me farewell

And you'd say it's too heavy

Lessons

2011-01-11T14:11:00.001-05:00

Its not until you have to account for something that you even think about its ramifications sometimes. I have always been one to say whats on my mind, but over the years I have learned a little tack. I will stress a little. I have learned that sometimes once I'm on a roll, or in a not so good place, I have the tendency to talk before I really think. And while I am always aware and purposeful of the words I say, I don't always (especially in a passing fancy) think about the effect of said words. This has been to my detriment at times. And to my benefit at others.

I take ownership for everything I do, even the bull. Cause I did it, I own it, and I cant blame others for it. It is part of the reason I dont judge people. I know I cannot throw any stones in this here glass house. That rule about treating others how you would want to be treated, I always remember that. I want people to hold me accountable for what I say I am, and what I say I will do. But to be judge and jury without all the facts or evidence? I dont get it.

One thing I have never been good at is talking about people in such a way as to demean them, unless they had directly disrespected me. I might discredit actions (people who kill, rape, steal, etc generally arent looked on favorably, but there is a reason for everything and I'm interested in that reason), but people need to be given the change to prove themselves. Now if you prove you aint shit, well then hey, thats just that. We can keep it moving. But if you claim to be the king of awesome and you the prince of worthlessness, 'that no make it'. I will always call a spade a spade, I will try to not do so with malice or attitude, but I WILL make a note.

My biggest pet peeve is rudeness, I dont see the reason for it. I dont understand why you being mean, cold, unkind or callous is of any benefit to you? Why be rude? If you have nothing nice to say, why say a word? I will never understand the motive behind mean spirited people. I can only continue to learn to ignore them, because I have learned in the past few years that the WHY isn't so important. It won't really benefit me because the reason people treat you how they do sometimes has little to do with you. I'm worried about the times when it does, when there is an aspect of my personality or demeanor that I need to change. I am open to that kind feedback, always.

So if you got some of that... sock it to me!

Not

2011-01-10T22:51:00.001-05:00

Not a day goes by
Not a sunrise or sunset.
Not a dream is dreamt
Not by day or by night.
Not a single smile,
Not a giggle or laugh,
Not a tear.
Not a prayer prayed,
Not a thought invoked,
Not by my heart or mind.
Not a single word
Not a text read
Not a message listened to
Not a thought or notion
Not a single second
Not a moment in my life
Not filled with you

~MissMelony

Can't nobody do me like Jesus...

2011 Mantra: Live. Love. Let the Rest GO!

2011-01-10T22:27:00.000-05:00

So here we are.. 2011. I still can hardly believe it sometimes. I swear as the years go by they go by faster and faster. I'm not about to make this that typical beginning of the year post about how I have new out look and this is going to be a year of change and yadda yadda yadda, if you been following me long enough you know I dont do that. It is my belief that if you plan to make a change you should start the process as soon as you decide a change needs to be made. And I did that, back in August. That was the beginning, and in November (my birthday month) I knew the time had come to take the change seriously.

In the past three months there have been some serious changes in my life. Health wise I'm feeling the best I have in years and it just gets better wish each day. I started a new job that offers new challenges and new experiences. And I am finally back "home". With all that came some new things on the inside. I noticed patterns in my life that i knew i needed to change. People and places I had to let go of to truly grow. I let people get closer than I have ever let before and found some good friends and revealed some true enemies and all for the betterment of me.

There are three things that remained important as i wrapped up 2010.

Life:
I had my first (to my knowledge) real brush with serious health issues and hospitals. It was an experience I will never forget and It showed me alot about myself and those who I kept around me. You learn who you can and do trust when you deal with certain things. I learned that people cared for me, more than i gave them credit for and I learned that I was giving some people a more prominent place in my mind than they had in my heart. I remembered how much and why I love my father, and exactly what is is about the rest of my family that makes me uncomfy at times. And I learned most of all that I had to make choices for me, and not worry so much about reaction or how it affected others. When I did that I was the most happy i had been in a long time. I might have to pay for my happiness in other ways, but I enjoy it nonetheless. (you see, not everyone wants to see you happy)

Love:
You know when you are truly happy? When you love yourself. And that was the first kind of love i focused on. I let my heart out there, i wear it on my sleeve, and you would think I would be used to the pain that might occur, but I'm always shocked at how careless and/or purposeful people are with other peoples feelings. But I learned one thing last year if I learned anything... I am worth the effort it takes to love me. I know this because I take the effort to love myself. Despite my flaws and all the things I wish to improve, I would still be friends with Melony and thats a wonderful thing to be able to say. And I felts every type of love last year. I learned what true friendship is and what true love was not. I learned the difference between dependence and the need to be needed. And the perils and pleasures of both.

Let It Go:
Its something I have been trying to teach myself for the past 5 years. And I have tried, o how i have tried! And finally last year I got it, or rather I got rid of it. I let go of so much, and it felt good! Now to make sure I dont go looking for it again. To stop hiding behind a need for closure and just let things be as they are, or rather how HE intends them to be. God does not want us to be unhappy, nor does he want us to be in pain, we bring so much of that on ourselves. Brooding, plotting, hating, being angry, sad, or evil get you nowhere real fast. Why waste your time thinking about things and people and places that bring you no joy, no pleasure, no positivity? Let it go! There is so much more.

There you have it, what i learned last year. I have no resolutions, I have no real big goals, I started all that back in October. All i can say is that I will continue to be Melony to the best of my ability and really what more could you ask for?

;)

Well hello again

2011-01-01T02:01:00.000-05:00

So it has been a time.

But we are back and we are ready to give this a serious go again. Writing is good for the soul. And this soul is ready for some serious release. Stay tuned, it might get interesting

It's been a long time...

2010-10-24T22:07:00.000-04:00

It's been too long, I shouldn't have left you
Without an explanation or refrain
Something to help you remember my name
An impression of my self image
That could capture the essence of me.

What I am is hard to explain
but evident in every action I take
You can see me in my words and motions
My passion and fight
But will you read the story right?

I have no control over what you see
The picture paints a thousand words that represent me
You have the ability to pick and chose
And create a vision that fits your needs
I am more then what you allow yourself to see
But you have to be ready to see the real me

Out of sight out of mind
Thats how some play their part
But it shouldn't be that way
when you've given someone your heart
When You take the time to care
Thats a presence that should always be there

So now that I've revealed the essence of me
I'll leave you a picture and maybe some words
To remember my presence and the moments we shared
And I'll leave the future of us in your care
But if you don't see me gain, I hope you remember this
I am what I am, and even without you I still exist

The Beginning

2010-09-04T01:47:00.000-04:00

The Beginning

Did a little radio show, I think I'm gonna like doing radio again. Different from my vlogs, I'm hoping for some interaction. Look out for links to my next show

The Crush

2010-09-02T22:03:00.003-04:00

Green

Open and waiting

The passion so palpable it hurts me

Wanting so much to be near you

For your touch to ignite this flame

Piercing me in more then one way

Go deeper baby

Feel me

So ready and willing

So intense and sensual

So hard to fight it and yet

So hard to hold it in

But I’m not prepared to start

Scared to take a leap

Into things bigger than myself

A passion I know I can't control

Though it is this connection

That I have always longed for

Green

Like a flower

Waiting for her honey bee

to fill and make her whole

to make and fill her holes

Creating in her a passion so all encompassing

Take me lover

Hold me

So open and wishful

So needy and craving

So ready to take it

So ready to let you win

But I lack full understanding

Of what it all could mean

Not ready to give up the independence

Self reliance that I’ve grown accustom to

And give it to you

All that I have to give

Green

Like a small caterpillar

Naïve and scared

Not prepared for what might be asked

Thinking that might be too big a task

Lets fly baby

Up high

So earnest and careful

So steadfast and understanding

So clever and creative

So much like you

But no perfect in every way

Flawed and slightly soiled

Realistic to the demands of the world

And sometime not ready to submit

Yet for you we could

For you anything is possible

Green

Like anew blade of grass

Searching for the sun

Praying to grow strong and tall

And admired by all

Grow with me

Green….

The feeling I get inside when I meet someone I feel a connection with, a flicker, a whisper in the heart? I cant put my finger on it. Could you be the one? The one I have dreamed about? Can you feel the heat of my want? Do you even know how much I want you?

I will never know the answer to these questions, because I am always too scared to confront them, him, her? Whoever my crush is (If s/he is even aware), all I would want them to know is just how ready I am... just one word and the future would be planned. And it will be glorious and fruitful.

So, we will see what happens. It only takes one word.

The Best Friend

2010-09-01T22:02:00.001-04:00

When I was young child
I played many games
I made up whole worlds
And I ruled them all.

As I grew into childhood
I tried to share my world
I learned I was different
I kept my world to myself

When I was a youth
I took a stance
I was gonna be me
Even if it was alone

When I was a young adult
I realized the loneliness of independance
I longed to be a part of a group
I decided to join them all

When I was in college
I opened my heart and mind to everything around me
I learned more about myself by learning about others
I shared my world and found a few willing travelers

Now I am an adult
I remain open and ready to learn
I share with those who care to know
But I still walk this world alone

My best friend has always been my imagination, those thoughts I don't share, those experiences that only I understand my feelings on. I never trust anyone to completely understand how this mind works, cause I only just get it sometimes. But to those who have cared to learn, and loved me as a friend anyway. I thank you. Its been a process to let people share my world. And I hope you enjoy/ed the ride.

Thirty Days hath Septemper

2010-09-01T10:01:00.000-04:00

So there has been a blog thing going around. 30 letters. I have decided to do 30 poems instead related to the theme of the day. As always feedback is encouraged.

September is one of my fav months, (November is my absolute fave cause its the best :P)

This is going to be an interesting month, we are looking for a break through or a revaluation.

Let see what happens...

30 days has September    ( Each day will be one to treasure)
April, June and November     ( A classic moment in time and measure)
All the rest have 31           ( I will remember each for it pleasure)
February has 28 alone              ( Taking care not to offer censure)
But in every Leap year            ( Enjoying it all at my leisure)
That come once in four      ( Letting go of all pressure)
February has just 1 day MORE!( Of this I will insure)

Words

2010-08-30T17:51:00.001-04:00

Where are the words for this emotion?
the song and rhyme for all these thoughts
What can capture all that I feel?
I'm at a loss

I can't put into words what I need to say to you
The words swirl in my mind but refuse to make sense
I need new words.

You binded my mind with words that soothe
Captured my heart with a seemingly open spirit
Delighted my body with you masterful handy work
and yet my soul was not convinced

So now each stroke of this pen is piercing a line
scratched on my heart
Each cut deeper than the last
We have written these words before
We know this pain all too well
And the soul refuses to forgive what the heart has done.

Why does it hurt so much to love,
just to want to love
to be loved

It shouldn't and the soul knows this
but the heart is a fool
and the mind can be clouded

That's why we can't find the words

(you did it to me again, and I let you, and there is nothing to be done but live an learn)

My Muse

2010-08-30T17:37:00.000-04:00

Maybe my issue is that my muse is female... we all know how fickle those creatures can be. She's sensitive and coy, meek and unintrusive, yet she has a way of letting you know she's there. I feel bad when I can't use her gifts, but she makes no effort to help me recover. She just sits and waits.

If my muse were a male, he would be much more commanding. I am a natural submissive. I like direction, order, encouragement. (Please do not confuse submissiveness with weakness, they are not the same). I just like to be told what to do , assuming its what I wanted to do anyway.

I need a new inspiration.

I'm sorry

2010-08-30T17:35:00.002-04:00

It's not your fault
The blame is mine
I didn't speak up when the time was right
And you never knew

I'll apologize for my disappointment
For all the tears I cried
I didn't tell you
everything I that tormented the corners of my mind

I can't place the blame
I did the wrong
I held my tongue and let you hurt me
And now what's done is done

I'm sorry. Good bye

Aug 01 2010

2010-08-02T00:55:00.000-04:00

Don't Die on the Vine

2010-07-23T08:13:00.001-04:00

I gave up on writing, because I lost my muse

I had sent her away because she was singing the blues

I didn't want to feel the things she cared to expressed

No one wants to focus on the stress

I didn't let her complete her mission

To end the cycle of contrition

To pay last dues so the chapter could end

Like a fool I held out, refused to bend

I played the victim because it gave me something to do

Something to say, some way to relate to you

But I lost who I was, the true essence of me

And until I let her purge I can't be all I'm meant to be

I wont let her die on the vine,

I will reap her message and let her bear her fruit...

July 11th 2010

2010-07-11T20:39:00.001-04:00

JUNE

2010-06-19T13:59:00.004-04:00

I have been neglecting my blog. And so if you have been following, I apologize for my absence. You all keep me honest and I didn't do what I said I would. I'll get it back in July I'm sure, but now I feel more like singing than writing. The emotions are just so strong...anyway I did a little video and I would love your thoughts...

I'll be back

May 15th 2010

2010-05-16T00:28:00.001-04:00

May 01 2010

2010-05-05T03:49:00.002-04:00

23. Actions

2010-04-27T11:11:00.003-04:00

Actions speak louder than words
They expound and elaborate your feelings
We as human only do what we want to (or feel we need to)
Words are just words
The only power they have is the power we give them
How easy it is to be misunderstood
Especially if that is the intention of the receiver of your prose
You can chose to let words hurt you
You can let them rack your brain
You can give them reign over how you do your thang
But it's more about intention
How the speaker acts
How they make their feelings known
That's what really causes your reaction

It's about the when and where and how and why of the words
More than what is said
Words with opposite actions are lies
Actions with no words can speak for themselves
Not all can agree
Because we all see thru our own glass
But if you took the time to see between the lines
Its the actions that you have to notice
That stick with you longer
And notice the words that we remember
Are words that recall a feeling, a moment, a space in time
We react to words because we base them on things that have been done
Not said
Actions speak
Are you listening?

21. I Want You

2010-04-21T15:01:00.005-04:00

I want you
All of you
That essence that makes up your presence
That aura and spirit that make up your being

I want you
Thoughts feelings emotions and truths
Much deeper than the surface you offer to the world

I want you
Notice I don't talk of all you can do
Not just your skills and talents
I want more
I want that core
The primal elements of you

You are more than the sum of your parts
Your whole entity is what I want to behold
Give me it all
No matter the blemishes
Or spots

I want you
Positives and negative
You are what I crave
You from head to toe
Body and Soul

I Want You

This is what he says to me, and this is why I'll love him

20. Vanity

2010-04-20T07:42:00.001-04:00

Everything is not about you
I only say it because its true
Even this ryhme whose words may seem pointed
Isn't composed with you as its focus

If my words seem to fit it's only because
You carry a familiar spirit
Something akin to that which I've uncovered
And it's attracted to my truth filled words

Don't get offended if my words seem to bite
The arrow is not aimed at you
If you got caught in the crossfire
It just means you might be standing too close

Sometimes I am holding up a mirror
Somestimes its a magnifying glass
Trying to get a deeper look
To gain clarity, understanding, the truth

If my words seem to hurt you
Point you out or even cut
It is merely by coincidence
But I'm still glad you felt the point

This verse is not about you
It has nothing to do with him
She will never read it
And noone else really cares

Don't be so vain
You have to cause something to have an effect
If you feel called out
It just might be time to do a self check.

I have a mirror I use it daily, I am willing to share

19. No need

2010-04-19T13:19:00.009-04:00

No Need

No need to wish yourself into my dreams
For without you they don’t exist

No need to wish the best for me
For your love gets me through all things

No need to ask for my opinion
For I want only for you to be pleased

No need to search for my attraction
For your my beauty from within

No need to try and catch me
For I was born for you to hold

No need to wish me happiness
For I’m filled with your passion and want

No need for you to teach me
For your love is what I learn

No need to be discouraged
For I’m always here

I do need for you to love me
For it maybe all I'll know

All you need is just to trust me
And keep my dreams of love alive...

What is REAL Love?

Real Love - Kirk Franklin

18. Perfect

2010-04-18T01:18:00.006-04:00

Perfect

In a perfect world we would be in love
In a perfect world he would need me
In a perfect world I would be all that he wants

But this world is not perfect

In a perfect world he isn’t so calm
In a perfect world I am never too shy
In a perfect world we are passion: it is our life force

But this world is not perfect

In a perfect world I trust him completely
In a perfect world we grow together
In a perfect world he completes me

But this world is not perfect

In a perfect world, I would know his every thought
In a perfect world, I am his true love
In a perfect world, I was his everything

But this world is not perfect

In a perfect world, he would be mine
In a perfect world, he is all I ever hoped for
In a perfect world, he was happy to have found me.

But this world is not perfect

In a perfect world we would be meant to be
In a perfect world we are the envy of all who love
In a perfect world we were soul mates

But this world is not perfect

In this world,
the only perfection I can hope for
is that I can be,
all that I was made to be

Perfection - Sheila Nicholls

She looked for perfection in an imperfect world,
Cause she needed perfection where his hatred was curled...

She came to the table to play a new game
But she is still holding the same cards
But she won't feel your shame ... --Shelia Nicholls

17. What do you see

2010-04-17T13:16:00.000-04:00

What do you see, when you look at me
When you take me in, am I foe or kin?

I am more then what I let you see
Do you want to see the real me
Do you want to know what’s inside my heart?
I’ll break it down so you can take it apart
I'm pure and deep and I love to please
And not just when I’m on my knees
I have a heart made only to love
Bless by my Father above
I love deep and I love hard and I love long
And I have a way of being strong
Strong enough to take your shit
And stand by to take another hit
Love fills me with a passion for life
Even though this world has caused me plenty of strife
Looking back on all of my ways
And all the things I took the time to say
I have not one regret
That took you by surprise I bet
I could tell you things that you could never guess
I know me at my best
I am more then what I let you see
When you are ready, come see ME

A Melony Original

16. Lies

2010-04-15T23:15:00.000-04:00

Little Lies (Album Version) - ...

Lie to me
Make me believe every word you say
Say the words you know I want to hear
Turn the phrase to make me yearn to listen to you

Bend the truth
Make it sound like the sweetest song
That perfect melody I crave inside me
Just enough to keep me hanging on

Hide the falshood
Wrap it in a pretty box with a bow
Capture my imagination with you silky phrases
Use your words to trick my soul, make me feel whole

Obscure the integity
Make the words seem real and full
Trick my mind into believeing every aspect of your game
Fabricate my world, paint a pretty picture, just how I want it to be

Create an illusion
Deflect from reality
Misrepresent the facts

Lie to me... because I will never believe you anyway

April 15 2010

2010-04-15T11:15:00.000-04:00

14. The Other

2010-04-14T17:00:00.002-04:00

I can be your angel in the day

Your devil at night

I am able to fulfill your needs

Demand that you meet my objectives

Be that girl you hold for comfort

I can be more than just a friend

I can be the enemy with in reach

I can tame the beast within

Or cox him out of the cage

I can be a trusted alli

Your strongest opposition

I can be your favorite secret

I am you best girl

I can be anything you need me to be

I (don't) want to be your other.

12. Two Sides

2010-04-12T01:12:00.001-04:00

There are two sides to every story
Two stories to every history
and histories of every event...

Yet not everything is
Black and White
some things overlap
and this is where
all good stories begin

You see things in your light
I see them in mine
If we don't share the light bulb
How do we know which light is fair

11. Me not You

2010-04-11T13:00:00.000-04:00

The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hil...

I can only be me
I know nothing else
Every step I take
Is another foot closer to my destiny

I can't be you
I wasn't created to be your clone
Your focus is
Beyond my control

We can share our time
While we walk side by side
But I can only be as I was created

10. Here

2010-04-10T01:10:00.008-04:00

It only hurts more when you try to hold it all in

Open up,

Show me the truth.

It's those things you wish to hide

That I need to know the most.

I can shelter you from fakeness and lies.

Trust me to love you and treat you kind.

I can't hurt you, as your pain only hurts me.

I can only love you,

And hope to make your dreams come true.

Life’s too short to dream of things that might come,

Take what is here and see where it take you.

I

AM

HERE

9. Where is hurts

2010-04-09T13:09:00.001-04:00

The trouble with letting people close
Is the opportunity you give them to use a shorter knife
Trusting people with your secrets
Leaves you open for attack
I have no secrets, my thoughts read plainly on my face
If you take the time to read me, you have all you need to know

Every relationship is a demonstration of trust
If you let people turn your pages
You leave your pages to the risk of getting ripped
No control over how the words will be received, perceived or understood
Despite how they are intended
You are left in the hands of Fate and circumstance.

Friends know your true weaknesses
And you trust them to not abuse
Your kryptonite, your Achilles heel
They can use it against you at any time,
The minute the friendship ends,
If it was there at all
And hit you were it really hurts

8. Enough

2010-04-08T01:08:00.002-04:00

How long do we play this game
It's obvious to me you will never change
Each time you start a new slate
We can't reset to zero
because your already out of the gate

I mixed up the metaphors
Like you mix up my dreams
Your aspirations are lofty
But you refuse to see it through
So much potential to be all that we dreamed
but you are clouded by what is easily attained

Look in the mirror and see your soul
Every part of you screams to be free
From the sentence you committed to yourself
One that you just refuse to break from
It's like you want to be a prisoner
and a victim of the devil's pull

Why do you continue to cut
Deeper and deeper each time
As if you thrive on the pain of standing alone
Don't complain about what you won't fix
The hypocrisy is killing what's true
When will you learn that just being is
ENOUGH

7. Question

2010-04-07T01:07:00.004-04:00

Who do you turn to when you are at the limit?
do you just end it all?
What do you do when there is no more you can say?
do you sit in silence and suffer?
Where do you go when nowhere feels peaceful?
do you stay in your mind's dungeon?
Why do you feel the need to be?
do you get a prize at the end?
When will it come to pass?
do you get a warning?
How do you continue the race?
do you do it because you have no choice?

These are the questions... Life is the answer

6. Senses

2010-04-06T01:06:00.001-04:00

smell, whiff, sniff, inhale, breathe it in

taste, savor, relish, swallow, feel in your mouth

touch , feel, caress, brush, take in your hands

hear, listen, hark, heed, open your ears

see, glimpse, look, observe, eyes wide open

Love me with all your senses

Love is my sixth sense

5. Til Death do us part

2010-04-05T01:05:00.001-04:00

I really didn't mean to
I thought you could handle
You said you were ready
But I should have known

I gave you all I had
You tried to keep up
I didnt fit the box
You couldn't tame the cat

Five last words to say...

I told you few could
You promised that you would
Your overconfidence is your flaw
But ultimately it's on me

There are no words left
No bells to be rung
The game is now done
I don't know who won

...five last words to say...

We both played our part
Now the show is over
The scene has ended now
The curtains have been closed

Death comes in all forms
We all deal with it
In our own unique way
In death do us part

...five last words to say

4. Four Letter Word

2010-04-04T17:00:00.021-04:00

SADNESS is a feeling that is better to be kept

GRIEF is always shared

HAPPINESS is best when its spread

ANGER is given

FEAR is lonely

... and LOVE kills

Gloomy Sunday - Billie Holiday

3. You and me and my "baby" makes three

2010-04-03T04:00:00.001-04:00

Cold yet inviting you call me to you
And I am always ready to open wide
Smooth and soothing you fill me up
And I need you more and more

When you are gone I feel a loss
And long for our next encounter
You satisfy me in a different way
But you could never take his place

He likes to watch me play with you
Those noises I make while we play
The way I let you please me
I lose total control

I love the way you feel inside me
The way you fulfill my need
You will always be my special love
And he understands our bond

You don't touch me like he does
You can't show the same care
He fills me in a special way
So you could never take his place

But we can continue our fun
He would love to join in
You, me, and him can share love together
My baby, my love and me

2. Dueces Are Wild

2010-04-03T00:22:00.000-04:00

A Pair
Two of a kind
Peas in a pod
Birds of feather
Like minds...

You bring it out of me
Just your presence opens the box
and Pandora is always ready to play

Power Couple
Fantastic Duo
Perfectly Matched
Like Mates

We create a force when placed togheter
And the world can just barely withstand
The passion would break weaker sensibilities

Twins
Double the trouble
One plus one
Dueces

I am your increase
Strengthening the power you carry
A united front we can conquer all

Two sides to every story

Two stories for every history

Two histories for every event

Who do you stand with?

1. The Ace

2010-04-01T01:34:00.013-04:00

Alone but not lonely

Singular but still whole

Independent but always caring

Individual but open minded

Self Sufficient but providing

Detached but yet still there

Separate but always equal

Solo but united for the cause

Solitary but focused on the world

Ace

It starts with one... it builds... where will the journey lead?

(I will write a poem for every day of National Poetry Month, think of that as my extending writing exercise for the month)

April 01 2010

2010-04-01T01:00:00.000-04:00

Delete

2010-03-30T17:26:00.000-04:00

I thought you were the best thing to happen to me,
I was wrong,
It was the worst mistake I have ever made with my heart

Please understand that my tears were never for you,
My anger is not toward you (nor the next one),
And you have been erased from record

I write this now
Because I have to let you know
To complete the deletion....

And document the moment I closed the door on you

This is for the better

( I would never do anything physical, its enough to just know. Deleted)

Delete You - Ashley Tisdale

Coy

2010-03-28T23:26:00.001-04:00

(This song expresses the tone of this poem... I had almost forgotten about this group)

OBLIVIOUS?

Are you oblivious, stupid or sly?
Do you ever take a moment to wonder why
The actions you take seem to burn you
And every mishap that seems to relate to
Some point of fiction or opinioned fact
Always turns into a mental attack?

Are you sly, stupid or oblivious?
When your actions are so conspicuous
How can one not know the true motive
With reactions that seem so furtive
This game you play so smoothly
May end like a lifetime movie

Are you stupid, oblivious or sly?
Is that a twinkle in your eye,
There to illistrate your pure ignorance
Can you honestly believe it was pure happenstance
That lead to what could be considered a master plot
To gain something you have always sought.

Are you...

Oblivious

Stupid

Or Sly?

What's you Flavor, tell me whats your flavor

2010-03-25T06:05:00.001-04:00

What flavor cupcakes do you like?

Some people love those red velvet ones, so rich and thick, that bold color, the sweet, the cupcake seems to scream "I dare you to not like me".... and for that reason I'm not the hugest fan. It boastful, full of itself, its got a big ego, and maybe it's well deserved. But if you build the expectations too high, when they aren't meet it is a harder fall. If you constantly have to tell me how awesome you are, I start to believe you might be trying to convince yourself. Red Velvet might be wonderful, but I'm turned off but its cockiness. I still wanna eat one tho, just to see what the hype is all about.

Many people enjoy those delectable chocolate cupcakes. There is a comfort there. You know what to expect and you can be satisfied with that. There is the chocolate, doing what its supposed to do. I can dig it, but you won't see me singing its praises. Doing what you ought to do should not get you a reward. Add something different sometimes, surprise me. Just because there are other cupcakes who don't live up to the (justified or not) expectations, doesn't mean you get extra icing cause you pick up the slack by being average.

Personally I love the vanilla cupcake, underrated and under estimated. The Charlie Brown if you will. You can add almost anything to it and it still remains itself, only enhanced. But the secret it hides is that it doesn't even need the extra stuff to be great. So when you have to have it all alone without the extras... you are delighted to find that its delicious in its simple state. Those with less perception might call it bland, but there is a joy in simple beauty. No fancy frosting or sprinkles, nothing to deflect from what is really there.... an open canvas that looks just a beautiful when its left blank.

You might enjoy the carrot cake; professing to be good for you but delicious too. Another boastful breed this one with good reason. Not over bearing and willing to accept that it might not always be the first choice. When you finally do try it you are delightfully surprised that you enjoy how it tastes. The carrot cake is ok with that. It will wait until you realize that it is the one you need, it will be there when the other cupcakes make you feel guilty or gluttonous. And it won't judge you or make you feel its better than you. It knows its place and accepts it gladly. It just wants to be eaten and enjoyed.

What kind of cupcake do you like?

2010-03-23T00:22:00.001-04:00

Minus myself, Miss Melony might meander & mumble mom music.

Modern momma marries & misuses mammories.

Malicious Marauders make messaging movies.

Mice mortgage Medicinal Maximums Monthly: Mighty Mouse.

26 M words, jumbled nonsense to some, perfect illustration to others... what do you see?

I asked for words that began with the letter M. M is my favorite letter. Is it because it's the first letter of my name? Maybe. But it's also because I love the way it makes my mouth feel when I say it and words that begin with it. My favorite words have the same effect. I enjoy saying them, not just because of how they sounds, but because of how they feel. I feel the same about writing in general. I don't type of write things simply because they sound good... but because it feels good to write them. As if the emotion, passion, energy flows right thru me as I type or write.

I had so many ideas for this writing exercise. I was going to illustrate what each chosen word meant to me, what i associated it with, what images it invoked... I received more than 26 words, I will have to find a use for the ones I didn't use.

The Ides of March

2010-03-17T03:07:00.001-04:00

I have to move on
I didn't *want* to let go
I won't forget

But thank you

Honestly

2010-03-16T05:22:00.001-04:00

Let's be honest.... honesty is about as common as common sense. Everyday people take time and effort to sugar coat, filter, dumb down, and out right lie about things that in all honesty hold no real merit. Let's remember... in the grand scheme of things... NO ONE CARES.

Really, its all insignificant when you take a close look at it, and you could spend all that time scheming doing something more productive with your life. Now I say this as a person that analyzes everything. Every word, every look, every action. I have thankfully learned to not take these acts personally... I still like to be aware of my surroundings and that will always include the people who I find around me. Luckily I am a great multitasker and I can do these things with out you even noticing. Still if I had to add to my list up keep of lies.. I wouldn't have time to live. I analyze to learn, cause I want to know as much as possible. And still I know... Not everything is that important. So why lie?

Some of you don't even know you lie (not telling the whole truth is a form of lying) you let the words leave your lips and fingers without a second thought. And some of you are very crafty at it.. so crafty that you have forgotten how to be full on honest.

I have always been weary of people who use the words "trust me" " believe me" "i promise" too much... who are you trying to convince me or yourself. These are often the same people who can lie to God (or whatever they believe in) and pass it off with simple excuses. How can you live your whole life and not hold yourself accountable? And then be mad at me when I try to bring it to your attention.

Don't fake the funk either. Don't say you are one thing, when you are clearly the other. Don;t say you are a "good guy" when you hold the title for douche of the year. Own up to who you are. Even if you are a hypocrite, own up to your hypocrisy. If you are an @ss, then admit you are an @ss, if you are a mean spirited liar... hey do you. Just allow those around you the courtesy to see the truth and decide if they wanna hang or not.

Now I do not believe in judging other people, no one has that right but God. I will comment, ask questions, but really I cant judge you cause I have issues too (thank you for subscribing ). So I will accept you for who you are... but I do believe in accountability. If you say to me you will do something, then I expect you to do it.If you don't keep your word, you lied (also if you say you wont do something, if you then turn around and do it I probably will trust you even less). If you do that one time too many.... bye.

Hold me accountable! If you hear me say something that doesn't match the Melony you think you know, lets talk about it... I promise I can set it straight. I am a work in progress, as are we all. I don't judge because no one is perfect. I don't hate because we all do things we could be sorry for (if we chose to be). I try not to expect more from others than I would give myself... sometimes I push me harder.

All I am saying is be honest... and if I came off preachy in this, my apologies.. as I said I'm not perfect... feel free to call me on it... my goal is to become a better Me and hopefully help someone else become a better them.. but what do I know? I'm just a girl with a big heart and an overactive analytical brain... these are the things that keep me up at night.

March 15th 2010

2010-03-16T00:59:00.001-04:00

March 01 2010

2010-03-02T00:55:00.000-05:00

Feb is over and we start a new month... Women's History Month, the end of winter, and another chance to continue on your goals and visions for the year.... We are in the middle of lent. Did you give anything up? What are you going to do better this month then last month? Who will you help, how have you grown....

I have been in a mood today, but tomorrow is a new day and I will make the most of it!

Fundamental Friend Dependability

2010-02-23T00:22:00.016-05:00

I know there are popular R&B/POP/hip hop/rap songs about friends, and it would be the perfect intro here. The gist of the songs is usually how we all need friends and what a friend is good for and how to be a good friend. I say all this to let you know that the theme of today's entry is : Friendship (get excited).

Now I will start by saying that in the course of my life I have never had a "best" friend. I'm not sure if this was due to trust issues or commitment issues or both. This is not to say that I haven't made many acquaintances along the way. I meet people everywhere and I always hear "hey haven't we met before?" Maybe I have one of those faces. Or as one lady put it, maybe I'm just so personable I "make people feel like they've know you for years". All thru middle school the comments from the teachers was that I "made friends easily", "mixed well", "was engaging and responsive" and that I talked to much. Its the talking that works well for me. It's how I work. I'm a curious cat, i love to ask questions and I love to learn more. And most people love to talk about themselves.

Now over the years I have made a few close friends. Thru church and school and extra curricular activities. I have formed strong bonds with people, shared secrets, let them get the full dose of Melony. But most of these were for a season. This might have to do with the high expectations I have for friendships. I don't think i require a lot. Mainly trust and care and we are good. Perhaps the reason I don't have many close friends is because I do find it hard to trust people. Everyone will let you down at some point. Even I might even though I strive not to.

This is because no one is perfect. It would be wrong for me to ask you to be perfect when I know I am not. But I do want you to work as hard as I do at trying to be the best I can at whatever I'm doing. And what I find over and over is that I am always doing more. I'm more available, I'm more open, I'm more attentive and understanding. I'm more nonjudgemental, I'm more forgiving, and I'm more of the friend I wish you would be to me. This is not a good look. I have a huge capacity to love and care and if i give you the privaladge of receiving those things I want to know its appreciated. I know my 100% might not be your 100%. That I can understand, your all might be my 80%. I can live with that, because at least you are giving your all. But a friendship should never be lopsided and I know that I give alot, so my side is always going too be heavy. So instead I spead the care and love and openness around and get my fill that way. Instead of with one person who can't carry the wiegth of it all...

This might also explain my romantic situation... though i make more sacrifices for love because it's what i crave most of all.

One of the things that has become clear to me over the past three months is that I am a very good judge of people. I can call them a mile away. I know already how you might betray, where we might butt heads, and what we will have in common. Not to say that sometimes I get surprised, but for the most part I have a good idea of whats in the package. Now sometimes I fight against my better judgment to get closer to people for the simple reason to prove myself right or for the entertainment that the union might bring, always cautious of how it might effect the balance of my life and theirs. This however has added undue stress and negativity at times. You shouldn't play games with the devil, he is good at what he does.

Curiosity can kill the cat, but this cat just has to be satisfied. I spend a lot of time trying to figure people out and sometimes that can be a waste. Who cares? especially if they don't... I will tell you this... I haven't been wrong about a person's true colors once. And I thank God for discernment.

Broken

2010-02-21T23:00:00.000-05:00

Torn, ripped, spoiled, unclean
different and unwanted
special, unique and not in the best way
outliers, sometimes of their own choice

You ever wonder why everything you touch breaks
why negativity surrounds you?
why bad things happen when you try to do good
Could the issue be you

Karma is the balance in this world
she dictates to fate and time
keep her happy and shes your steady lover
upset her balance and she's a talented witch

Karma hits you where it hurts the most
Far worse than anything mere man could avenge
Be mindful of all you put out to the world
Actions and words

You don't get many do overs
You have to move on
You have to grow and learn
Embrace the chance to change, evolve

Broken, soiled, cracked, dirty...

.... you can still rebuild

disorder

2010-02-21T22:53:00.001-05:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	High
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

Now I don't usually take stolk in internet quizzes, I mean really who knows the science and accuracy of them. But the human mind interests me like nothing else, especially mine. I believe that everyone has a little bit of crazy. And I will be the first to admit (as the blog can attest) that I have issues. But if you are reading this then you subscribe and "I Thank You"

I can definitely understand the qualities of my personality that would help me fit into the disorders that were ranked high... but we all have our issues and we can all take control over those that we can change. I am working on mine... the journey continues

Feb 15 2010

2010-02-15T22:43:00.001-05:00

Incomplete

2010-02-09T02:03:00.001-05:00

Loving you was a song I just couldn't sing
the notes too high, the beat to slow
Each chord individually was ecstasy
together a tirade of noise

Loving you was a book I couldn't complete
a page turner that had no end
I loved and longed for the passion on every page
but found it hard to concentrate

Loving you was a play I just couldn't understand
the actors running out of things to say
the audience anticipating the climatic plot twist
never ready for the disappointing end.

Loving you was a thought I couldn’t comprehend
Its philosophy too deep, it’s feeling too heavy
I want so badly to understand
But I’m not ready to take it all in

....incomplete, but still ready to post

I Used To Love Him (Album Vers...

A lesson in randomness

2010-02-09T01:59:00.003-05:00

"All of the world isn't Backwards" said the wise Cat. "Disenfranchised is not a state in which you belong", she continued. "A wise old Elephant once remarked that 'once we see through the Fog of our prejudices, even the Giraffe will see eye to eye with a bee.' "

"To be happy does not require much skill, as even the Ignoramus finds some reason to smile. Living your life as the Jilted Knight brings little satisfaction and can prevent you from understanding the levels of Love."

"The love you feel", she said "for your Mother cannot be Nixed by simple avoidance or denial. You cannot hide like the Ostrich and expect to be Peaceful." She sighed and said "You can stay Quarantined and sheltered from the Rough edges of this world, but you will look Silly. You can not Thoroughly save yourself from any negativity, for some of it might surpass your Understanding."

This Cat was a Vixen, she had seen many White souls turn black with the ease of a simple tune played on a Xylophone

And Yes, she is right, you can not close your eyes to the evils of the world. If you shut your eyes to the devils you will miss the angels that pass you by. You never know what each experience will teach you, just as you will be hard pressed to remember ever strip on a Zebra.

I asked someone to give me a word for each letter of the alphabet, and said I would use it to write a piece. It is a lesson in free writing for me, I let my mind lead me through the story. The cat is wise in what shes says however, you cant hid from the evil, you will miss the good.

Feb 01 2010

2010-02-01T22:09:00.000-05:00

Happy Black History Month

peace

2010-02-01T20:24:00.000-05:00

Give me peace and justice
…and they can both be achieved without WAR.
Give me truths and honor, openness and love.
Threats and bulling will never do
…you have to give up something more
Give me the REAL you.
No lies, No deception
…just what is real.
All we need, is what we feel

Today is another day not promised
So be joyful for the pains of life.
They remind us we are still here.

to make it better...
to continue the path...
So LIVE and let die...
Our time is not yet...
Relish the pain and hurt and anger....
but also keep the peace the passion and the love…
WE ARE HERE....
… we haven't been here before

2 Months

2010-01-22T17:58:00.003-05:00

I neglected to note the one month anniversary of my 26th birthday, but from this day onward I will be noting my monthly anniversaries. I call them unbirthdays, like in Alice and wonderland, and yes i could celebrate them everyday, but that's a bit much no? HA HA

Anyway I will use the 22nd of each month to evaluate my journey thru the year.

SO lets what happens eh?

Jan 15 2010

2010-01-16T00:45:00.000-05:00

Ok so this time its the video thats screwy... oh well... hope you enjoy!

Control

2010-01-11T03:21:00.001-05:00

He said to her (inadvertently):

"You only get what I give
You only take what I offer
You only see what I show
You only feel what I reveal
You only say what I can hear
You only taste what I create
You only do what I can handle
You only make what I'll accept
You only know how much I tell you"

...But he hasn't really said anything yet....

She was waiting for more
She was hoping to break thru
But when you don't know there's a wall
How does she prove it to you
There is nothing worse than a liar
especially one who lies to themselves
There is a limit to arrogance
There is such a thing as too much dependency on self

She said to him (directly):

"You believe what you believe
And no one can tell you different
You see with lurkers eyes
Even when the reality is more simplistic
I won't fight your logic
And I can't try to force your hand
But someone someday should tell you
and make you understand"

Love Song - Sheila Nicholls

The words I have to say may well be simple but they're true
until you give your love there's nothing more that we can do

You can't be in control all the time

Three little words

2010-01-08T01:19:00.000-05:00

She looked into his eyes
So filled with emotion
Their bodies so close

Her mind was racing
Thoughts from the past
Feelings and urges

Was this the right thing?
Self conscious and anxious
Were they ready?

Easy and graceful
Firm and yet smooth
Fulfilling her in every way

Deeper and Deeper he plunged

Harder and harder it seemed

Faster and faster they went

Who knew what would come

From three unique little words

"What are we?"

Not About Love - Fiona Apple

Life of a 20somthing aka "The Wonder Years"

Beginning

release

November...

What's my Name

end scene

September 15

What is the D for?

My reintroduction to DMX

It's Dark And Hell Is Hot

These are my thoughts as I listened thru the 19 tracks:

New

Lessons

*Take ownership*

July 31st

This is why I'm single - Story 1

Aftermath

Blossom

Memory

Does anyone court anymore?

July 4th

Perception

June 15

May 3.31

I mean what I say...

Feel it

Why you mad?

Kitty

I lied

March...

I want

Last Night

Do you believe?

Tears

Diary

Again

The Chronicles of Melony : 1.30 Balance

The Chronicles of Melony : 1.15 The Beginning

Heavy

Lessons

Not

2011 Mantra: Live. Love. Let the Rest GO!

Well hello again

It's been a long time...

The Beginning

The Crush

The Best Friend

Thirty Days hath Septemper

Words

My Muse

I'm sorry

Aug 01 2010

Don't Die on the Vine

July 11th 2010

JUNE

May 15th 2010

May 01 2010

23. Actions

21. I Want You

20. Vanity

19. No need

18. Perfect

17. What do you see

16. Lies

April 15 2010

14. The Other

12. Two Sides

11. Me not You

10. Here

9. Where is hurts

8. Enough

7. Question

6. Senses

5. Til Death do us part

4. Four Letter Word

3. You and me and my "baby" makes three

2. Dueces Are Wild

1. The Ace

April 01 2010

Delete

Take ownership