Edge of Seventeen



I went today... maybe I will go again...
Tomorrow
And the music there it was hauntingly...
Familiar
And I see you doing...
What I try to do for me
With the words from a poet...
And the voice from a choir
And a melody... nothing else mattered

I woke up today with an uneasy feeling. I don't know exactly what caused it, but it wasn't good. Like something bad could happen at any moment. It really started yesterday, I totally freaked out and I think I scared a friend of mine. And I don't know what it was. Like an unfamiliar spirit, weighing heavy on my Che. My aura was off. And then just as suddenly this afternoon it was gone. Now I'm a Christian and I believe in the power of prayer. And I know I have people who pray for my well being, so whatever it was that could have happened, or will happen and was just delayed, I thank them for their prayers of blessing and mercy and safe keeping.

I have definitely allowed myself to neglect my spiritual growth. I have believed since I was very young, but didn't truly understand that belief until I was in my teens and now I know why I believe and what I believe in. But I'm sure I don't do the best job at demonstrating it. I get caught up in my vices at times. I believe I am a good person, who is flawed. And part of the season is to work on fixing some of those flaws and accepting the ones I cannot fix.

I take a look inside, ask for feedback from those who see from the outside, and make up my own mind. That's all I can do. I'm right on the edge of something big. Maybe that feeling was a sense of caution, something wanting to derail the plan. There are so many distractions. People, interests, thoughts, feelings. I need to do a better job of focusing my attention.

Its a slow process... but its coming along.