Perfection

I am that thing you fear,
Deep in your heart.
I am what pulls on those thoughts,
That you never voice
I am that dream that you long to have
About the things and places you will never see
I am that word you can’t say
Too deep for you to comprehend
I am that book you can’t read
Too much for your poor heart to learn
I am that place you want to run to
But have no clue where to find
I am that food you need to sustain you
Just outside of you reach
I am that wish that will never come true
In your mind, invading your dreams
I am that person you will never be
Because you are too caught up with being the face you think the world wishes to see.

The inner conversation we can sometimes have in our own heads is more harsh than any word that can be said to you

No one is perfect, but many of us demand Perfection.

I find that I demand more from myself then I do of others. I can usually explain away your flaws if I want to see past them. But the minute my flaws are put on display I quickly try to correct them, or try to defend them if I know I can't fix them, but I am always apologetic. I notice that not everyone is that way. They are able to say "Here I am flaws and All, take it or leave it". I know the only true judge is the Lord. But I hate to disappoint. This is part of my goal.To not apologize for who I was made to be.

Maybe part of the reason I am a Jill of all Trades is because I like the flexibility it gives me. I can't fit in one box because I want to be in them all. The many facets of my personality demand that I be that way. This adaptability makes it easier for me to try be what you need. And you may ask then how do I get satisfied. I am truly happy to see you happy. Truly. The only other thing I need, is to feel appreciated for that very fact. Does it matter that I do what I can? Is it ever too much?

One lesson I have learned, "go where you are celebrated, not just tolerated". Another, "don't confuse users for friends". Some people play your game, to get your spoils; don't get confused. Not everyone cares. But that fact doesn't stop me from caring. It's a part of who I am. And if that's the imprint I can leave on this world, I won't change it. I will just be more cautious with my gift and not waste it.