First thing first

Happy New Year!

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."
-Maya Angelou

SO the "season" I was going thru is over and we are in a new place. Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually. By we I mean I, I really don't know what you dear reader might be going through. But know that if you ever wanted to share, I am always willing to listen.

About that... I have always been a giver. Ask people who know me. If you needed the shirt off my back and I knew it would help you more then it does me I would give it to you. That's just how I was raised. And I think its the Christian way. I give and I don't really ask for anything in return. My reward isn't here. On the flipside, I like to feel appreciated (Ok I can be an attention whore at times), so sometimes I do things for people, who don't care one way or the other, to gain their trust and acceptance, and not getting it hurts a little. Doesn't mean I wouldn't help them again though. Jesus said forgive 70 times 7. I have two cheeks. I can take the pain (I think sometimes I like it.)

This also explains my taste in men. I always go for the dudes who aren't interested, or conversely get extra excited when a dude I know isn't right for me shows interest. It's like a game. Can I make you like me? Can we get past differences and have love conquer all. I want to recreate Romeo and Juliet. Silly girl, tricks are for kids. And the guys who do show me the attention I need, often times get lost in the shuffle, cause I'm too caught up in worrying why "he" doesn't like me.

Well, I'm off that. Seriously. I am getting to old to play that game anymore. Lets make this simple:

Once that is settled we can move forward. And it's ok if you don't "like me" like me. But lets be clear from jump street. It's cool if you think I might be fun in bed, but you don't have the patience to deal with "the rest of me". That's no skin off my back (unless you scratch). I find it a complement, lust is a natural thing. And who knows maybe one day we might could find ourselves wrapped up in some fun.

However, I am looking for a lifemate, I want a family. I would like to be married before starting one. And please don't think me contradictory, I was just born with a switch. I know when something is real and when its "just for fun" and I can treat it as such. I just don't want the latter as much anymore. I don't really want a placeholder until Mr. Right comes along, and I don't wanna be anyone's place holder.

Anyway my focus is not that right now anyway, my focus is me. (see Video blog) Mr. Right will find me, and Mr. Right Now is gonna have to move it along. But I am interested in getting to know *you* if *you* like me... I'm just not gonna worry about it as much anymore.

Today was a good day...

Still in Angry Mode... but that sounds worse than it is....