Fundamental Friend Dependability

I know there are popular R&B/POP/hip hop/rap songs about friends, and it would be the perfect intro here. The gist of the songs is usually how we all need friends and what a friend is good for and how to be a good friend. I say all this to let you know that the theme of today's entry is : Friendship (get excited).

Now I will start by saying that in the course of my life I have never had a "best" friend. I'm not sure if this was due to trust issues or commitment issues or both. This is not to say that I haven't made many acquaintances along the way. I meet people everywhere and I always hear "hey haven't we met before?" Maybe I have one of those faces. Or as one lady put it, maybe I'm just so personable I "make people feel like they've know you for years". All thru middle school the comments from the teachers was that I "made friends easily", "mixed well", "was engaging and responsive" and that I talked to much. Its the talking that works well for me. It's how I work. I'm a curious cat, i love to ask questions and I love to learn more. And most people love to talk about themselves.

Now over the years I have made a few close friends. Thru church and school and extra curricular activities. I have formed strong bonds with people, shared secrets, let them get the full dose of Melony. But most of these were for a season. This might have to do with the high expectations I have for friendships. I don't think i require a lot. Mainly trust and care and we are good. Perhaps the reason I don't have many close friends is because I do find it hard to trust people. Everyone will let you down at some point. Even I might even though I strive not to.

This is because no one is perfect. It would be wrong for me to ask you to be perfect when I know I am not. But I do want you to work as hard as I do at trying to be the best I can at whatever I'm doing. And what I find over and over is that I am always doing more. I'm more available, I'm more open, I'm more attentive and understanding. I'm more nonjudgemental, I'm more forgiving, and I'm more of the friend I wish you would be to me. This is not a good look. I have a huge capacity to love and care and if i give you the privaladge of receiving those things I want to know its appreciated. I know my 100% might not be your 100%. That I can understand, your all might be my 80%. I can live with that, because at least you are giving your all. But a friendship should never be lopsided and I know that I give alot, so my side is always going too be heavy. So instead I spead the care and love and openness around and get my fill that way. Instead of with one person who can't carry the wiegth of it all...

This might also explain my romantic situation... though i make more sacrifices for love because it's what i crave most of all.

One of the things that has become clear to me over the past three months is that I am a very good judge of people. I can call them a mile away. I know already how you might betray, where we might butt heads, and what we will have in common. Not to say that sometimes I get surprised, but for the most part I have a good idea of whats in the package. Now sometimes I fight against my better judgment to get closer to people for the simple reason to prove myself right or for the entertainment that the union might bring, always cautious of how it might effect the balance of my life and theirs. This however has added undue stress and negativity at times. You shouldn't play games with the devil, he is good at what he does.

Curiosity can kill the cat, but this cat just has to be satisfied. I spend a lot of time trying to figure people out and sometimes that can be a waste. Who cares? especially if they don't... I will tell you this... I haven't been wrong about a person's true colors once. And I thank God for discernment.