2011 Mantra: Live. Love. Let the Rest GO!

 So here we are.. 2011. I still can hardly believe it sometimes. I swear as the years go by they go by faster and faster. I'm not about to make this that typical beginning of the year post about how I have new out look and this is going to be a year of change and yadda yadda yadda, if you been following me long enough you know I dont do that. It is my belief that if you plan to make a change you should start the process as soon as you decide a change needs to be made. And I did that, back in August. That was the beginning, and in November (my birthday month) I knew the time had come to take the change seriously.

In the past three months there have been some serious changes in my life. Health wise I'm feeling the best I have in years and it just gets better wish each day. I started a new job that offers new challenges and new experiences. And I am finally back "home". With all that came some new things on the inside. I noticed patterns in my life that i knew i needed to change. People and places I had to let go of to truly grow. I let people get closer than I have ever let before and found some good friends and revealed some true enemies and all for the betterment of me.

There are three things that remained important as i wrapped up 2010.

I had my first (to my knowledge) real brush with serious health issues and hospitals. It was an experience I will never forget and It showed me alot about myself and those who I kept around me. You learn who you can and do trust when you deal with certain things. I learned that people cared for me, more than i gave them credit for and I learned that I was giving some people a more prominent place in my mind than they had in my heart. I remembered how much and why I love my father, and exactly what is is about the rest of my family that makes me uncomfy at times. And I learned most of all that I had to make choices for me, and not worry so much about reaction or how it affected others. When I did that I was the most happy i had been in a long time. I might have to pay for my happiness in other ways, but I enjoy it nonetheless. (you see, not everyone wants to see you happy)

You know when you are truly happy? When you love yourself. And that was the first kind of love i focused on. I let my heart out there, i wear it on my sleeve, and you would think I would be used to the pain that might occur, but I'm always shocked at how careless and/or purposeful people are with other peoples feelings. But I learned one thing last year if I learned anything...  I am worth the effort it takes to love me. I know this because I take the effort to love myself. Despite my flaws and all the things I wish to improve, I would still be friends with Melony and thats a wonderful thing to be able to say. And I felts every type of love last year. I learned what true friendship is and what true love was not. I learned the difference between dependence and  the need to be needed. And the perils and pleasures of both.

Let It Go:
Its something I have been trying to teach myself for the past 5 years. And I have tried, o how i have tried! And finally last year I got it, or rather I got rid of it. I let go of so much, and it felt good! Now to make sure I dont go looking for it again. To stop hiding behind a need for closure and just let things be as they are, or rather how HE intends them to be. God does not want us to be unhappy, nor does he want us to be in pain, we bring so much of that on ourselves. Brooding, plotting, hating, being angry, sad, or evil get you nowhere real fast. Why waste your time thinking about things and people and places that bring you no joy, no pleasure, no positivity? Let it go! There is so much more.

There you have it, what i learned last year. I have no resolutions, I have no real big goals, I started all that back in October. All i can say is that I will continue to be Melony to the best of my ability and really what more could you ask for?